This Month on Chelsea: September 2017

Oh, hello! Everything you need to know about last month’s episodes of Chelsea is all here. You’re welcome.

New month, new Chelsea episodes! Chelsea was on vacation for a week or so last month, but she’s back and as obnoxious as ever. Buckle up.

September 1st: We Are All Sharks

Let’s all take a moment to remember Tammy. She was awesome. RIP, pup.

Guests: Reese Witherspoon, Kathy Bates, Dan Rather, Flulu Borg, Fortune Feimster

Topics: Movies, Netflix Originals, and Balls.

Yay! White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders is back! They dish on what’s going on in the white house this week including pardons and the terrible loss of Steve Bannon.

She’s a lady, dammit.

Reese Witherspoon is the first to hit the couch, there to plug her new movie Home Again. They talk dogs, Big Little Lies (she said they have no ideas for a second season, by the way), and her new role as a producer. Witherspoon began her own company that buys books and in turn makes them into movies with great roles for women.

Reese Witherspoon is adorable.

Next up is Oscar-winner Kathy Bates. They talk about Bates’ new Netflix Original show Disjointed and her experience with cancer. After having breast cancer 5 years ago and then battling lymphedema, she is now a spokesperson for the Lymphatic Education & Research Network.

It’s fine, Kathy. We love the F word here.

Chelsea then gets to interview the one, the only, the MAN—Dan Rather. They discuss the changes in journalism and how the standards have changed. His new book is called What Unites Us: Reflections on Patriotism.

Please be my granpaw, Dan.

Next we’re up to the desk with Chelsea’s niece and the very delightful Flula Borg. They sent Flula on a bull riding adventure.

There’s a lot of testosterone going on here.

September 8th: Comfortably Naked

Guests: James Corden, Bella Thorne, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, Vince Wilfork, Jacob Soboroff

Topics: Being naked at stoplights, guns, and the debt ceiling.

Chelsea keeps insisting on bringing out her staff despite my telling her it isn’t working and begging her to stop. This week Jiffy and Dan talk about bots.

Oh, the humanity.

First to the couch this week is the host of The Late Late Show, James Corden. If you don’t watch that show, just know this guy is always wonderful. Mostly they discuss being naked. You can catch episodes of Carpool Karaoke now on Apple Music.

Oh, James. You’re adorbs.

Next Chelsea goes fishing with Superbowl Champion Vince Wilfork. They hang out on the boat and have a nice chit-chat.

“I’d like to catch a fucking cheeseburger.” I’m with you, lady.

Next up is social media star Bella Thorne. She uses her influence to speak out and speak up on important issues. They discuss how we could all use a little more nice in our life. Preach ladies.

Chelsea then sits down with New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. She’s a lovely lady with some great points of view.

Up to the desk is MSNBC’s Jacob Soboroff to explain the debt ceiling.

We have no idea what you’re talking about, Jacob, but you look super cute saying it.

September 15th: Handler and High Water

Guests: Jessica Biel, Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer, Andrea Savage, Evan McMullin, S.E. Cupp

Theme: Water

Jessica Biel is first to the couch. The discuss The Sinner (on USA) and how great it is to have so many platforms now for shows. Good to know: apparently this lady is big into crystals, past lives, and all that jazz.

This is a different side of you, Jessica.

Next Chelsea is off to Bermuda to chat with Jimmy Spithill and talk America’s Cup.

It’s just New Zealand, Jimmy. Let it go.

She also takes a sailing lesson and gets to watch hot guys race boats.

Don’t worry about Chelsea. She has those boobs she can use as a flotation device.

Don’t faint. Chelsea welcomes some Republicans to the couch. The host of HLN’s S.E. Cupp: Unfiltered and CNN commentator S.E. Cupp and 2016 Independent presidential candidate Evan McMullin. They discuss the future of the party and who they are now.

These guys are kind of great. They have good things to say. See, Republicans? We don’t bite.

Continuing with the theme, Chelsea takes the Broad City (Comedy Central) gals and her BFF to the LA river. They kayak and chat about their relationships, work, and weed.

You are one cute-ass nerd, Hildawg.

Finally, we’re at the desk. Chelsea welcomes mom and star of TruTV’s I’m Sorry, Andrea Savage. Old friends, they talk about how parenthood changes your life.

I agree, ladies. Not everyone needs a kid.

September 22nd: Game Changers

Guests: Emma Stone, Billie Jean King, Justin Hartley, Alyssa Mastromonaco, Randy Bryce, Mary McCormack, Andre Iguodala

Topics: Sports and Paul Ryan

What a treat! Kellyanne Conway is here with her tips on surviving in the White House.

Easily the best part of the show.

First up to the couch is Justin Hartley of NBC’s This is Us. They talk about waiting tables and the new season of his show.

That face is almost enough to make me watch This Is Us. Almost.

Next Chelsea sits down with the always adorable Emma Stone and championship tennis player Billie Jean King. This interview is a hoot. They’re promoting Battle of the Sexes, in theaters now.

It’s all about the balls.

Next to the couch is Randy Bryce, who wants to unseat Paul Ryan, Obama’s former Deputy Chief of Staff Alyssa Mastromonaco, and Chelsea’s bestie Mary McCormack. Randy is an everyday guy who really thinks he can make a difference in Washington. I think you can too, Randy. It’s time for a change. Get motivated, everyone! We can do it!

This guy stands for the working man.

Now it’s over to the desk. Chelsea welcomes two-time NBA champion Andre Iguodala to explain basketball.

They don’t call her the ole Ballhandler for nothin’.

September 29th: The Art of the Kneel

Guests: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Macklemore, Diego Luna, Reggie Bush, DeRay Mckesson

Topics: New TV shows,

First to the couch is Maggie Gyllenhaal. Her new series The Deuce is now on HBO. They talk her new show, porn, and James Franco. Those all seem to go together.

She’s adorable.

Next to the couch is activist and podcaster DeRay Mckesson and football player Reggie Bush. They talk NFL, taking a knee, and Trump. Of course, Colin Kaepernick is a part of that discussion.

Cool it, Chelsea. Reggie is taken.

This.

You can catch more talk on Pod Save America and Pod Save The People.

Chelsea next goes in search of puppers with British accents. She hits up the Crufts dog show, the biggest dog show in the world. This is by far the best part of the month. Dogs, dogs, dogs!

*Dreamy Sigh*

Sausage!

Be careful, puppeh. A lot of men have been through those legs.

Little known fact: Dogs love Coldplay.

I feel a little sorry for the next guest to the couch. He has to compete with all those dogs. But if anyone can do it, Diego Luna can. He’s starring in the new film Flatliners. They toss around the idea of a threesome, discuss his new remake, and talk about the afterlife. He was in Mexico at the time of the earthquake and put together a crowdfunding campaign to help. You can donate by going to donate.omaze.com/mexico. If you aren’t familiar with Omaze, celebrities donate AMAZING prizes in exchange for donations to a cause of their choice. Your donation gives you a chance to win. Check it out.